Thursday, March 10, 2011
Down on the Farm
Posted by Bull E. Vard
2012 is going to be a pretty bleak year for the Kansas City Royals. I think more articles are being written about the Royals prospects than about the major league team. If you doubt me, name the starting SS, 4 members of the starting rotation and the starting RF. All those guys are placeholders for the prospects or the players the prospects will get traded for. Since the major league team doesn't matter that much this year, it might be fun to acquaint ourselves with the prospects by comparing them to my beer prospects.
Lagunitas Little Sumpin' Sumpin' - Mike Moustakas 3B
My favorite beer paired with the #1 prospect. Moustakas is a big time power hitter who could be unlike any Royal ever. Steve Balboni holds the franchise record with 36 home runs in a season, Moustakas could definitely break that record and more than once. Little Sumpin' Sumpin' (which just got back to town for good this week) is a hoppy wheat beer with pop that you wouldn't expect from a wheat beer. Moustakas is a Royal with unlike any other, Little Sumpin' Sumpin' is a wheat beer unlike any other.
Great Divide Hoss - Eric Hosmer 1B
Hoss goes with Hos. Hosmer is a gigantic prototypical first baseman who's going to hit for average with quite a bit of pop. Hoss is a full flavor lager with a bit of Rye spice thrown in. Hoss is a prototypical lager in the sense that it's eminently drinkable, several at a time. But, like Hosmer, has that little bit of extra something to make it great.
Ska Modus Hoperandi - Tim Collins Relief Pitcher
Tim Collins is a little left handed strikeout machine. I can envision a future where he enters games to his own super rocking song like Mariano Rivera and Joakim Soria. He'll be the 7th or 8th inning guy you go to when you need to, in the words of Roger Dorn, "strike this motherf***er out", and striking guys out will be his modus operandi. His picture on the jumbotron should be one of the Modus Hoperandi skeletons with a Royals uniform on. Modus Hoperandi seems like a small beer to me because it's in cans, but it's got a great hops fastball that's gonna get you out [of your thirst].
Lagunitas New Dogtown Pale Ale - John Lamb Starting Pitcher
Lamb has kind of a boring name, but he has a great fastball and excellent control. Plus he's from Laguna Hills which sounds an awful lot like Lagunitas. New Dogtown Pale Ale also has excellent control in that it is well balanced but also brings the heat with it's ABV. Neither Lamb nor New Dogtown sound all that exciting, but Lamb will be a star worthy of New Dogtown.
Boulevard Pilsner - Christian Colon SS/2B
Shortstop or second base is the question with Colon. No matter which one, he's a leader in the making and promises to help anchor the middle of the Royals defense for years to come. Pilsner has the same sort of questions, is it a cheap alternative to craft beer or an expensive alternative to macro beers. The answer doesn't matter as Pilsner is the backbone of summer beer drinking and will be for years to come.
Tallgrass Oasis - Wil Myers OF
The same questions dogged Wil Myers as they do with Christian Colon only they were whether he was a catcher or outfielder. The Royals decided to move him to the outfield because his bat demands advancement up the ladder. He may be the best hitter of the bunch now that he doesn't have to worry about squatting for half the game. Oasis has questions about it's position too, is it a DIPA or ESB? It doesn't matter (it's a Double IPA) it's a great beer and it's bat has to play. Also, like Myers, it's a lot of beer in a big package as it comes in 16 oz. cans.
Boulevard Tank 7 - Mike Montgomery Starting Pitcher
Mike Montgomery and Tank 7 both have it all. Montgomery's got the whole package of great fastball, great curveball and great changeup all from the left side. Millions of dollars have been made from any one of those 4 qualities let alone all 4. Tank 7 also has it all, lightness, complexity, sweetness and hoppiness. In 3 years Tank 7 and Mike Montgomery will own KC.
Now if only the Royals could come up with a Chocolate Ale they'll win multiple World Series this decade (maybe Jeff Francoer is the Chocolate Ale). These 7 guys should all be fixtures in KC by the end of 2013. But, the 7 beers are in stock at all times in my downstairs refrigerator or I get a little shaky. This list is not set in stone, it will change fairly regularly. It bears almost no resemblance to my list 2 years ago (also Royal themed).