Beerfest Fun! Flint Hills, Parkville, and Nanofest, plus the 9 Myces decrees for beerfest survival!

Any followers of the blog are familiar with our love obsession of Beerfests, particularly the pearly gates of the Parkville Beerfest. Where else can you find such nicely organized afternoon drunkenness? Below are the 9 Myces decrees, that have been passed down from Great-Grandfather, Saccharo Myces. They will enlighten you on proper etiquitte and teach you how to not only survive but thrive during a beerfest. This is the first time this information has been disseminated to the public, so make sure you retweet and share this post with your friends. Enjoy!

Get a ride: Uber, Lyft, cab, your pregnant wife, bicycle, anything but driving yourself.

Pre-hydrate and rehydrate: Drink a sports drink or bottle of water on the way to the event, then set an alarm on your phone for every 30 minutes, as a reminder to drink another glass of water. As Jake "The Snake" Roberts said, “I don't really buy beer, I just rent it.” (Go to 1:30 on the video)

Food: Make or purchase a pretzel necklace, eat a hearty breakfast, and bring some straight cash homie for food truck possibilities. Plus the pretzel necklaces invite all kinds of great innuendos.

Don’t be a clepto: I know it’s always fun stealing stuff at beerfests, but you don’t want to have to explain to the Mrs. that you got arrested for stealing a pint glass, bottle opener, six pack of beer, growler, etc. If you want something just ask nicely; you never know when they will say yes.

Sunblock: Similar to the hydration. Apply generously before, and set a phone alarm as a reminder.

Sunglasses: You’re going to be outdoors in the sun for 5 hours. Enough said. Plus you can remain more inconspicuous if you happen to become overserved.

Check the forecast: You can’t imagine how many unprepared souls I saw for Mudfest 2016. Don’t be a dumb@$$; look at the weather and dress appropriately.

Don’t Pregame: Wait for the grand opening, and if you want to drink early splurge for the VIP tickets. There has NEVER, and The Myces means never (in my Rocky Maivia voice), been one time I’ve said, “I wish I had more beer to drink at beerfest.”

Line Cutting:  Line cutting is only acceptable after 2 hours of beerfest.  By that time, everyone should have their gameface on and an extra few seconds in-between beers is not necessarily a bad thing. If you spot a line cutter just call them out politely and let them be, it's not worth getting into a fight.  Line cutting for the bathroom is NEVER ACCEPTABLE.  If you have to go that bad you should have planned in advance, and if it truly is an emergency, just find a tree or a corner of the parking lot.

All of the information on these epic adventures is listed below.

2019 Flinthills Beerfest: This inaugural beerfest takes place on April 6th, 2019 in Manhattan, KS and runs from 4-7 p.m., with VIP entrance starting at 3 p.m. Being an inaugural beerfest, I’m sure there will be a few kinks to work out, but please don’t rush too quickly to judge. I just hope they have mastered the appropriate port-a-potty to attendance ratio. I know it might be a bit of a drive, but Manhattan is an awesome college town, and this supports a great cause, the Homecare and hospice foundation. They are advertising over 30 breweries, live music, and food trucks, so come happy (and thirsty).

Parkville Beerfest: Taking place at English Landing park in Parkville on April 27, 2019. Admission is at 11 a.m. and sampling runs from 1-5 p.m. Last year the event sold out, so I wouldn’t wait to buy tickets. Parkville is the beerfest of all beerfests. I won’t spend much time bragging about it’s awesomeness; I will simply let the previous blogposts (listed below) speak for themselves. If you are only going to attend one beerfest, this is the one. One can also look through our previous facebook posts for pictures of this glorious day. Yes, the white Tallgrass koozie will be making its annual appearance.  Hopefully the Missouri River will cooperate, so we can all leave our kayaks at home.

Parkville 2018
Parkville 2017 and Parkville 2017 part 2
Parkville 2016 and Parkville 2016 part 2 A.K.A. Mudfest
Parkville 2015

Nanofest: This one is a close second to Parkville Beerfest. It is held at Berkley Riverfront Park Saturday, May 18th from 2-6 p.m. Nano always features several homebrewers, as well as up-and-coming brewers, and has an eccentric collection of unique and interesting beers.

Nanofest 2017 review
Nanofest 2016
Nanofest 2014

Brett A. Myces

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