Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Dear Colette

Dear Colette, 


I'm not sure how to put this so I'm just going to say it, it's not going to work out between us. I love your Great Divide family, Hoss and Samurai are great friends and you know Titan is my brother from another mother (Bridget really is a saint).

I was so looking forward to our relationship, I spent months anticipating it. Then when I saw you, and this isn't flattering, I nearly wet myself in excitement like Jim in front of Nadia in American Pie. I love the Saison style and your family is one of my favorites, I thought for sure we were meant to be lifetime lovers.

I feel like I was duped, like you had stuffed your bra or something. When we got down to business and the lights were out I never would have guessed you were a beautiful Belgian Saison, I would have guessed you were a filthy German Hefeweizen. Mind you, I don't mind that you were a little filthy, that has its place, but it wasn't what I was looking for in a lifetime saison companion.

It's trendy to say it's not you, it's me. But that's not true in this case, it is you. You're lying to yourself calling yourself a saison, you're much too lemony for that. It's okay to be a Hefeweizen, some people really like that. I'm going to keep your number and give you a call when I'm in the mood for your filthy side, we really did have a good time. But, I don't think I'll ever be able to commit to you, I'm going to have to keep looking for my everyday saison.

All the best,

Bull

5 comments:

  1. Aside from the breakup letter conceit, this is the same as my review of the beer. Not a saison - totally a hefe.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I just found your review on BA and agree, obviously. But, if this was labeled a hefe, I'm still not sure it was very good. I'm being a bit hypocritical on this because I don't like getting caught up on styles and labels. I just really like saisons and Colette wasn't much of a saison.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Heh, I just read my own review and it looks like I was not harsh enough on it. I usually rate to style pretty strictly. Perhaps I was being lenient because Great Divide's head brewer gave it to me for free. I think I'm going to adjust some scores now.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Filthy German girl? Say no more, I'm in love

    ReplyDelete
  5. Damn you Great Divide! I will forgive you though....because Titan is ridiculously good.

    ReplyDelete