Thursday, August 16, 2007

Maloney's Bar and Grill and Oklahoma Joe's

I was so surprised that Jerry's Bait Shop had that really great website because Maloney's (which incidentally took the Overland Park location that once housed a Jerry's) has absolutely no website (thanks to Jen Chen for mentioning it in a Pitch story or else it would have no web presence whatsoever). Come on Maloney's, it's 2007, how the hell is anyone going to know what your happy hour specials are? Even if I had the time to visit, I don't want to spend 5 minutes writing these things down, I want to spend my time ogling chickas and drinking beer.

That being said, Maloney's is a real fun place to spend an evening and they have a fabulous deck. You may want to wait until September or you'll be drinking boiling hot beer. Sure they have all the accoutrements necessary for an outdoor deck in Kansas in August, but an umbrella doesn't really protect you when the air is 100 degrees.

Since Maloney's is only a stone's throw away from the Bull E. Vard mansion, it makes sense sometimes for Stella and I to steal away and grab a beer out on the deck. Unfortunately for me, this actually only occurs after a day spent painting.

On a recent such occasion we sent the kids away to Grandma's to enable me to paint a couple of rooms. Stella was to be no help on this day since I had knocked her up again and she was carrying my seed, so she spent the day in Liberty scrapbooking with her sister, Bud Ice. Sorry for that, just trying to set the scene; 8 hours, 2 rooms, 3 colors (light covering dark), no help. I got started around 7, by 9:30 I had both rooms primed, had Pandora cranking out Wilco (take off your band aids cause I don't believe in touchdowns, have truer words ever been spoken?), and ready to get started on the first color. By noon I had one coat of 2 colors (top and bottom) in the one room, it barely covered the green that was on the wall before, I was hungry and thirsty and wasn't even halfway done. I switched the laptop radio over to MLB radio and chose a Braves-Mets match up (no, I don't care about either team, but it was baseball and baseball on the east coast starts at noon). By 3, I was wrapping up the second coat on the two color room, blisters were opening on my hands, my shoulder and back ate and I believe my stomach was so underutilized it was dusty. Then the thought popped in my mind, you know the thought, they made a movie about the thought. The perfect food, in this case, was Oklahoma Joe's. Surely, I can finish this wretched painting by 6, make it to OJoes and eat the most fabulous meal in the history of man. Frankly, it's the only thought that was going to get me through this. One more coat and some touch up, by this time dealing with internet radio wasn't in the cards, man up and finish and enjoy some fine barbecue meats. I don't think a professional painter can paint as fast as I did in that flurry, mind you I didn't say well, just fast. I finished that room up about 5:30, did some touch up work, cleaned up the mess and hopped in the shower. It takes a while to scrub all that paint off the arms and hands, I didn't have much energy left, I think we can say that I looked mildly disturbing when I stumbled out of the mansion and got in the car.


On the way over to OJoe's, I had to stop and pick up some beer, something refreshing, something that would go with bbq, something soothing. There it was, gleaming in the beer cooler, Goose Island Summertime, the perfect beer to go with the perfect meal. I love the idea of seasonal beer and I always order the seasonal at any brewpub. Goose Island Summertime is different though, because I truly love it, not just because it matches the season, but because it is a great beer, it's so great I want to dip my balls in it but they don't fit in the bottle.

Finally to OJoe's, I believe the clock read 6:15, 10.5 hours of painting, 30 minutes of cleanup and a 15 minute drive had led me to this point, a perfect storm of hunger, desire and bbq. I had finally made it and without having Neil Patrick Harris steal my car. But wait, oh no, I didn't calculate that there would be a line at 6 o'clock on a Saturday. I truly almost started crying as I was standing in the doorway because I was at the end of the line. From previous experience, I know this is at least a 10 minute wait and closer to 20, I may have to eat in the restaurant because I don't think I can bear the 10 or 15 minute drive home. But then I can't drink the perfect beer with my perfect meal, the trade offs are catastrophic. I decided to eat fries while I drove home, the perfect compromise. On this day, they had a special that consisted of sausage, pulled pork and ribs, so hungry, so I went with that, I usually just get a pulled pork sandwich or the Hog Heaven but that wasn't going to get it done today.

I drove home and stormed into the house, cracked open a beer, poured it in a pint glass (I'm not a savage) and grabbed a plate. I have a tendency, when eating Oklahoma Joe's, to just swallow meat whole, this day was no exception. I stripped those ribs, piled the pork on the Texas toast and ate it in 3 bites, the sausage was just shoveled in, ring after ring. I didn't really taste the first beer, but the second went down oh so smooth, oh so good, I was satiated, finally.

Then Stella came home, I cracked number 3. "You missed a spot here, there's paint on the floor there, you dripped on the baseboards." "I was hungry and tired. I'll fix it tomorrow." Then it came, "Let's go do something, or are you too tired". Which of course means, let's go out. Of course this means I'll have to button my shorts or at least zip them, but luckily it's warm out so if we pick the right spot I don't have to fix myself up or anything so I figure what the hay. Stella suggested Maloney's so we could sit outside. I must say, it was the perfect choice. She drove us over and I went in to check the taps and there it was;
Perfect beer for this day
Sing along because it's one we know
It's a smile
It's a kiss
It's a Goose Island
It's summertime
Sweet summertime.

I have a few rules in this world, never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city, never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body and always appreciate when the bar that's close to your home has the exact beer you want. On this day it was Goose Island Summertime and I love Maloney's for supplying it.

If you make it by shoot us an email so we can post the happy hour specials.

2 comments:

  1. GI Summertime is an awesome beer. I tossed back about three last week while preparing dinner for the outlaws.

    Maloney's is awesome except for the d-bag who owns the building next door that has starting towing people at night, when none of his businesses are open.

    We've started going to the Joe's in Olathe because it's closer. I picked up a takeout menu the last time I got sick of standing in line. Best idea ever. Just call, drive, grab and leave.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I wanna dip my BAAAAALLS in it!

    Thanks for bringing up memories of The State. That show used to crack me up.

    Thanks for the tip on GI Summertime. Sounds like a fine beer, even if it's owned by big beer.

    ReplyDelete