The Final Countdown to Parkville!!!!

The final countdown is on, it is less than 48 hours from Parkville Beerfest, and I am getting pumped! As a reminder, it is at Platte Landing Park this year, due to the floods. Check out their website for all the pertinent information. Their beer list has been released by Untappd, so as any professional athlete would know, you need to formulate a game plan, prior to arrival. Patrick Mahomes doesn’t show up on game day, without reading the scouting report does He? So here are the Myces recommendations, and remember they are always subject to change. I will not disclose my order of tastings to prevent a line from the swarms of people following my lead.

Blind Tiger: Maibock and Guten Tag Helles, along with the usual asking for a side of Dave’s Dip, and hopefully they will have the guy with the beer dispensing backpack
BLVD: Boss Tom’s and Rye to the 4th power, because who doesn’t need a 15% beer at beerfest
Burr Oak: Hoppen- Daz Mango Milkshake IPA
Call Sign: All of their beers
Crane: See above note regarding Call Sign
Dogfish Head: Slightly Mighty
Friction Beer: Tubthumping IPA, so I can go around singing, “I get knocked down, then I get up again…..” and pretend it’s 1995.
Stem Ciders: Hibiscus Session

I also like to stop in and try as many of the homebrew clubs as possible. It help support the little guys and they have beers you I can’t get anywhere else.

As always don’t forget to follow the 9 Myces decrees mentioned earlier on the blog. These rules have been passed down by Great-Grandfather, Saccharo Myces, from his experience at Oktoberfest. They will enlighten you on proper etiquitte and teach you how to not only survive but thrive during a beerfest. This is the first time this information has been disseminated to the public, so make sure you retweet and share this post with your friends. Enjoy!

Get a ride: Uber, Lyft, cab, your pregnant wife, bicycle, anything but driving yourself.

Pre-hydrate and rehydrate: Drink a sports drink or bottle of water on the way to the event, then set an alarm on your phone for every 30 minutes, as a reminder to drink another glass of water. As Jake "The Snake" Roberts said, “I don't really buy beer, I just rent it.” (Go to 1:30 on the video)

Food: Make or purchase a pretzel necklace, eat a hearty breakfast, and bring some straight cash homie for food truck possibilities. Plus the pretzel necklaces invite all kinds of great innuendos.

Don’t be a clepto: I know it’s always fun stealing stuff at beerfests, but you don’t want to have to explain to the Mrs. that you got arrested for stealing a pint glass, bottle opener, six pack of beer, growler, etc. If you want something just ask nicely; you never know when they will say yes.

Sunblock: Similar to the hydration. Apply generously before, and set a phone alarm as a reminder.

Sunglasses: You’re going to be outdoors in the sun for 5 hours. Enough said. Plus you can remain more inconspicuous if you happen to become overserved.

Check the forecast: You can’t imagine how many unprepared souls I saw for Mudfest 2016. Don’t be a dumb@$$; look at the weather and dress appropriately.

Don’t Pregame: Wait for the grand opening, and if you want to drink early splurge for the VIP tickets. There has NEVER, and The Myces means never (in my Rocky Maivia voice), been one time I’ve said, “I wish I had more beer to drink at beerfest.”

Line Cutting: Line cutting is only acceptable during the last 30 minutes of beerfest. By that time, everyone should have their gameface on and an extra few seconds in-between beers is not necessarily a bad thing. If you spot a line cutter just call them out politely and let them be, it's not worth getting into a fight. Line cutting for the bathroom is NEVER ACCEPTABLE.

Brett A. Myces

Other Popular Posts on KC Beer Blog